BACK PAIN, HOLIDAYS, AND COPING

The holiday season is a special challenge when you hurt. Holidays can be difficult anyway as the fantasy and the reality clang together. The fantasy - loving family, tender moments, grateful appreciation for hard work and thoughtfulness, petty differences put aside, people coming together united in family or friendship. The reality – hurt feelings, lack of appreciation, petty differences on display. Worse yet, too much stress, too much alcohol, too many demands, too little money, old wounds surfacing; the pain of recognizing the difference between the Hallmark holiday and your dysfunctional family.

One way or another, holidays are immediately stressful times. Increased physical demands, i.e., house cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, traveling, etc will increase pain. The emotional and mental aspects of holidays can also increase pain. It is taxing to gear up emotionally to socialize with family and friends and be charming even if you are the one being fed and watered. Difficult interactions, avoiding landmine topics of conversation, dealing with toxic relatives, discussing your medical condition, etc. can all increase pain.

The holiday season is almost inevitably a time for some reflection, looking back at the past year and forward to the next. It is natural to become aware of all the difficult, painful, challenging aspects of your life. When you hurt all time, this reflection can either cause the holiday blues or worsen depression, especially if you compare how you wish things were with the way they are. When you hurt you may find your self focusing on the negative until it seems all there is.

What can you do to help yourself survive and even enjoy the holidays? I have developed a list below to help you get the most of this holiday season.

1) Recognize that your life has changed. You have persistent pain along with your own unique sequella – impaired finances, troubled relationships, etc. Acknowledge that change and organize yourself around that reality. You may need to grieve the losses associated with these changes.
2) Lower your expectations for the holidays. Don’t expect to or commit to creating a magical time for yourself and others. Lower your family’s expectations for the holidays by discussing necessary changes in advance. Don’t let “tradition” trap you into unhealthy behavior. Grieve this loss if need be.
3) Don’t try to accomplish everything you did before you had pain. Respect your challenges. Give yourself permission to do less if need be.
4) Be creative about pacing yourself and setting limits with activity. Make the holiday meal potluck. Agree to exchange a single gift with family members or family units with a price limit. Enlist the help of someone with meal preparation or household chores.
5) Consider focusing on or a return to a traditional (old fashioned) holiday in terms of gifts, trees, family visits, etc. This allows you to focus more on family and friends and less on material stuff.
6) Give a gift (s) to the less fortunate. Donate to a needy family, give something to your church or temple. Donate some time to a mission. Volunteer at hospital or nursing home. The saddest thing over the holidays is to feel lonely. Help someone else not be lonely, and in the process, help yourself.
7) Make a deliberate attempt to count your blessings. Focus on the good things in your life. Each day, post one positive thing you are thankful for.
8) Reconcile with an estranged friend or relative.
9) Make a commitment to changing certain behaviors in the coming year. Set specific
goals for yourself. Forgive yourself or another person for a transgression. Accept what happened and let go the pain. The APEX strategy for forgiving can help.