Merry Christmas everyone! I love the holidays! People reach out to others and hold hands. I get a renewed sense that we're all in this together. I give myself permission to focus less on loss, and stress, and failure, and more on all the blessings I do have. I feel more connected to everything the last two weeks in December.
The greatest gift you can give your family this holiday season is to function at your best throughout each day. Your family and friends want your time, your conversation, your good spirits. Faking it is absolutely just as good as the real thing. They're not as observant as you think. Faking it means less pain behavior, defined as all the things you do verbally, facially, and behaviorally that communicate to others that you hurt. This includes moaning, groaning, wincing, limping, taking meds, complaining, being grouchy, etc. This holiday season, make every effort to minimize these behaviors, especially in front of other people. It will help if you vigorously pace yourself and set limits with activities that can increase your pain. Sit some, stand some, lie down some, move around some. Alternate frequently, every 15-30 minutes. Don't use pain meds to overdo; you will pay for it later and so will your family. The more you overdo, the more pain behvior you will engage in and the more likely you are to crash. Your family and friends don't need you to cook for 20 people; don't need a hundred presents; don't need lights everywhere; don't need everything to be perfect. So you can't play football, or fill the house with baked goods. So what?
You may need to lower your expectations for the holidays - de-emphasize the fantasy holidays you see in books, on television, or maybe had or wanted as a kid. Finances are tight for most of us. Major gifts and good health can be hard to come by. Some element of your holiday will be weird and surreal. Holidays can powerfully drive you to be miserable. Get over it. Life is happening all around you. Cut to the chase, to what's important - let go of "It's not fair" or "They deserve more." Perhaps more than any other time, from the third week in December to the beginning of the new year is a time of rebirth, of re-commitment, of making plans. On this day, in this year, just enjoy what your have.
On Christmas Eve, my small family had dinner and watched "White Christmas" and "The Santa Clause." Today, we will open some gifts and spend the day in front of the fire place playing Scrabble, drinking hot cocoa, and talking to each other. Nothing big, nothing impressive. Just our small little family; just like my daughter wants it. Me too.
As part of your blessing today, you might think about our soldiers in Iraq; so far from home, so scared, and wanting nothing more than what you have right now. Say a prayer for them.
Be good to yourself.
Dr. Tim
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